Flannery's birth story

In honor of Flannery being a week old, I'll take a moment to tell her birth story and hope that I remember everything! But beware, this is a long blog entry! (Not too graphic but long!).

Last Saturday, Feb. 6th, I (realize now) that I had gotten into nesting mode, flitting around the house, cleaning and organizing. Around lunch time, I leaked a bit of fluid and then started cramping. The cramping wasn't consistent in frequency or length, but it was there for sure. After a little bit of this, I called my mom, sister, Nathan and my friend Jen (who was our backup doula) to let them know what was happening. Nathan was able to come home around dinner time, from work, which was a huge help, since the cramping had turned into contractions that were about 10 minutes apart and I was having a hard time caring for Amos, getting ready to be ready to go to the hospital and get through contractions at the same time. Around 10 that night, my parents and sister decided to get in their cars and drive to our house from their respective cities. Thankfully, it was not snowing, as it had the day before, and the roads were quite clear. They all arrived in the middle of the night--Bethany, with Eli in tow and both my mom and dad. My contractions had pretty much slowed down, or stopped, so we all just went to bed hoping for a baby the next day.

We woke up Sunday morning with no real change. Nathan stayed home from church anyway, and my mom got out her bag of tricks to see what we could do. I won't go into detail, but there were many things we tried before we all finally headed out for lunch and then Beth, Mom and I walked around (and danced in) Old Navy and then Borders, hoping to get labor going. It did help to walk around--it seemed that walking around was one of the only things that helped keep the contractions coming consistently. But I couldn't walk around all day---my feet eventually started to hurt!

Monday morning, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep from feeling stronger contractions that were coming about every ten minutes. So we did more tricks and more walking, in hopes of having a baby that day. When my mom checked me that afternoon, I was only at 1 cm and the baby hadn't yet dropped. So things were going slow! By dinner time, my contractions were getting harder, but still not super consistent. And by bed time, we tried to sleep but they were getting still harder and it was now necessary for Nathan to put pressure on my lower back for me to get through the contractions. So that's what we did all night, got through harder contractions that were about 15 minutes apart. At some point that night, my mom checked me and I was at 3cms, which was very encouraging, but she still had not come down any further.

Around 6 on Tuesday morning, my mom felt that it was nearing time for us to go to the hospital, as the contractions were harder and she wanted me to get on the monitors. Because we were attempting a natural birth after a c-section (VBAC), it was going to be necessary for me to be at the hospital soon and to be constantly monitored in case anything happened with my uterus or placenta. Thankfully, during those few days of camping out, my mom was using her doplar radar to hear Flannery's heart beat and was also taking my blood pressure, so we knew that she was ok through it all.

So we got in the car and drove through the snow storm that was arriving (a prediction I had made all along, that our baby would come in the middle of a snow storm!) and made it safely to the hospital which was just a few miles away!

After we got to the hospital, our nurse, Courtney, checked me and I was at 4 cm. Yay!! Progress.

**I should stop and say at this point, that I felt tremendously anxious that my labor would stop all together and that everyone would have to go home and come back at some other point. The whole time, since my labor was so inconsistent, I never knew if I was going to have our baby that week and was hesitant to even say that I was in labor.

So I was happy when, around 1 pm, Tuesday, our Doctor came to check on me and broke my water, in hopes of speeding things up a bit. At that point, I was going to have a baby in the next 24 hours by hook or by crook, and that was an encouraging thought to me. That was the upside. The downside was that my contractions became much harder and stronger and because I was so tired from not sleeping well and hungry, I would have mini-meltdowns after every contraction. It became difficult for me to focus and relax, so much so, that I started really considering getting an epidural, just so I could rest for a bit. The thought of getting through 6 more centimeters and then pushing a baby out was so overwhelming and I really thought I couldn't do it. So the plan became for me to try to make it to 5 cm so I could get into the tub and then see how things went from there.

It took me all afternoon to get to 5 and by 4 that afternoon, we moved to the tub room and I got in. Unfortunately for me, the tub was too awkward of a shape for me to get into a good position to get through contractions. By that point, the best thing I could do was to put my arms around Nathan's neck and do squats or just hang, to get through a contraction. Laying in bed, though relaxing in between, was the worst and most painful way to get through a contraction and the pool proved to be the same.

I was very discouraged and angry that the tub didn't work like I had thought it would and finally got out. Bethany arrived at that point, too. She had been at home all day with the boys, and then was able to come to the hospital when friends were able to get to our house to take over care of Amos and Eli.

My mom thinks that the tub did work to help relax me in between contractions, as I progressed to 7 cm in just an hour. Because I was so angry about the tub not working like I thought (I thought it would help ease the pain of the contractions, which were so so hard and intense and the most painful thing I had ever physically felt), I really wanted an epidural and was practically begging Nathan to let me do it. I was still so tired and overwhelmed with the thought of getting through the contractions and then pushing that I just wanted relief. After all, it had been four days!

So we went ahead with getting an epidural, but first, I needed to get a bunch of fluids into me. I think that they helped so much in giving me a boost in blood sugar and sustinance. By the time the fluids were done, I was in transition, at 9 cm, which basically made getting an epidural pointless.

**This whole time, I was having the conversation with myself about the epidural...I knew deep down that I would be disappointed that I had gotten one and not gone the whole way naturally, which was our original birth plan and deep desire, but I was so tired of being in pain and so overwhelmed, that I just wanted relief.

Soon, I was feeling the urge to push and when she checked me, I was 9 1/2 cm and almost totally thinned out. I was having to fight that urge, as well as get through a contraction and it was even more painful and difficult! By the time Dr. Soper made it in, I was ready and she gave me instructions to push. It took me a few contractions to get the hang of it, as all through labor, I was having to take constant deep breaths and now suddenly, I was having to hold that breath! It was also so anti-intuitive to push and as I pushed, feel more pain and essentially, push into the pain. It was funny because all around the bed, there was our nurse, Nathan, Mom, Dr Soper and Bethany (who was taking pictures) and each time they would all say something different. Looking back now, it was comical but I appreciated all of their support!

At some point, my mom traded places with Dr. Soper and she got ready to "catch" Flannery as I pushed her out. After a half an hour, I finally pushed her head out and then her body slithered out. I will never forget seeing my mom hold her up with such a look of joy. She got to deliver her namesake and that is such an amazing gift and blessing and moment that I will always remember.

As Flannery was placed on my chest, all I could say was "It's over! I can't believe it's over!" There was no better feeling in that moment, but to feel her little chubby body and hear her loud cry. It was an amazing moment--so satisfying, making all of the pain worth it. Things went well after that and soon, I was ordering dinner and watching Nathan and my mom give Flannery's first bath. Bethany was still taking pictures and we were all on our phones, calling family and friends with the good news.

I also got to nurse her right away and that was also a success. After I ate a wonderful dinner, we packed up and moved to our recovery room. I was still riding high from the adrenaline, which was so surprising, as I was so tired that between contractions, I would just sit and was barely able to talk.

The next day, Mom and Bethany were able to bring Eli and Amos to the hospital to meet Flannery. We had other visitors too, and were so happy to share our little girl.

The pediatrician gave Flannery a good report and allowed us to go home Wednesday night, 24 hours after she was born. Amos was so excited to have us home again, and I was happy to be home, too.

In thinking back on Flannery's birth, there are a few things that I've been able to see:

The first thing is that every single prayer that we prayed--that my mom and Bethany could be there, that Amos would be cared for, that we would not have to have another c-section, that Flannery would be healthy, that it would all go smoothly and well--all of those prayers and more were answered. It could not have gone better in any way and we were so thankful to God for all of the blessings and faithfulness and love given to us through Flannery's birth.

The second thing is that Flannery's birth was much like Amos' birth in that it was difficult and painful, the most difficult and painful thing I have ever gone through. And just like with Amos' birth, we made it through it, with God's help and provision. I think that instead of feeling like this superwoman who made it through natural childbirth, I was struck by how much strength I was given to get through each contraction and realize now how it's a metaphor for our lives...getting through one day at a time; one difficult thing at a time. He gives us our daily bread sometimes more often than daily. I think that Nathan would say the same, that he was given strength to care for me and support me, from a source outside of himself. I believe that the prayers of our friends and family during that day carried us, just as they did to get through Amos' birth and ordeal. So instead of feeling like a superwoman or of putting Nathan on a pedestal, I see God's faithfulness and care for us, and thank him for getting us through those very difficult moments.

At the same time, her birth was much different in that it was as natural as possible. Even though we had to be monitored and I had to have an IV site started, I was able to walk around the room, get in the tub, and not be watched to make sure I progress at a specific rate. My doctor was great in letting my mom catch and deliver Flannery and the nurses were all great in letting Nathan, my mom and Bethany be very involved. They were so helpful but got out of our way. I knew, when Amos was coming, that I would have to have any subsequent children in a hospital, as I was now too high risk to give birth out of a hospital. But this was the best possible situation we could have been in, which again, is an answer to prayer.

The third thing is that Flannery's birth was far less abstract than Amos' birth. It has been really incredible to remember moments and have flashbacks and again, think "I can't believe I did that..." as opposed to having it happen to me. It has been very much an experience that I engaged, something I did and got through, with God's help and with the help and prayers of my family and friends. Again, all of this happened with Amos' birth but in such a different way.

Having a newborn at home has been such a new experience! I guess this is what most everyone goes through when they have a baby, if their baby is full term and healthy. It's been such a blessing to have a normal experience and again, like most of the third trimester, I feel like I'm in uncharted waters!

And even now, as I recover, I'm trying to take it a day at a time. If I get too far ahead of myself, I can get overwhelmed with the thought of trying to care for both kiddos, so I try not to think about it! At the same time, I'm excited to see who Flannery becomes and who we become, because of her presence in our family.

She is a gift and we are so thankful for her.