The first six months: how it's really been...

This has been an interesting half a year. Granted, it has not been nearly as hard as Amos' first six months. And because of that, my expectations were waaaaay different. I thought it would be so easy to have a normal baby, right?! AND, she's our second--they're always easier, right?!?!
Needless to say, I was wrong, on so many levels. I think it was harder because I thought it would be easier.

Even though we had a successful and natural VBAC, labor was still difficult. And even though I didn't have major abdominal surgery, the recovery still took awhile AND was painful. Adjusting to having baby at home so soon AND taking care of our (then) three year old was challenging. After Nathan went back to work, I seldomly napped and seldomly got to cuddle my newborn. She had major reflux too, worse than Amos'. So again, my "easy" baby became high maintenance.

And Flannery is her own person and is so different in so many ways, from her brother. (Shocking, I know, that siblings would be different! ;)

I had to learn how to love and care for a whole new person, with new likes and dislikes. I had no idea what I was in for and felt tricked when I would hear people say (about 3 or 4 months into it), "Oh yeah, the first three months are really hard." WOW!! Why didn't I know this?

All the things we did with Amos did not work with Flannery. And the stuff we weren't allowed to do with Amos (i.e. tummy sleeping) worked for Flannery and made us nervous in a different way.

The clencher was the binky. I felt like the level of difficulty hit its all-time high when I realized she would not take a binky. I became a huge fan of the binky during Amos' baby-hood and *expected* our baby girl to also love it. But she didn't and I had to deal with being *that mom* who had a screaming baby in the middle of Target, more than once.
I've struggled with loving Flannery and with being thankful for her. I know it sounds strange to say that, but it's true. For so long, it was just Amos and I and there have been times that I've felt resentful towards Flannery for interrupting our day or holding us back from doing something. I've felt bad for Amos for this, too. He's had to be around a cranky and sleep-deprived mom who has been less-than-mediocre for the last six months. I feel like I'm still adjusting to having two kiddos to care for and that I'm still getting to know Flannery. I haven't had the constant one-on-one time I had with Amos and so it's taken a bit longer for us to get to know each other.

BUT...

In my deepest heart of hearts and even on bad days, I AM thankful for my daughter. I'm thankful for her smiles and her giggles. She is an even-keeled girl who loves to sit and watch the flurry of activity going on around her. AND she's just being herself and, she's a baby. It's not her fault that she's unpredictable and dependent on us for everything on top of having a personality and will. And when she blows raspberries with a furrowed brow, I know she's communicating with me. She is even starting to know when I'm in the room, for better or worse!
She is a beautiful baby that entered the world through a wonderful and natural birth. Having a baby that made it to 39 weeks gestation and is so healthy and strong is really different. I don't worry as much, if she gets sick and we are really enjoying seeing her develop as she should. She is special to us because she is completely normal, just as Amos' birth and infancy was completely not normal.
We all adore her and look forward to Flannery getting older and more interactive with us and to see her become a part of our family more and more. Even now, as she smiles and giggles at us, I feel like she's taking part in our family activities.

More than anything, I want to take delight in her, as we do in Amos; to be amazed by her new skills, thankful for her health and development, remember and cherish her story, too.She is a beautiful girl. I am so blessed by both Amos and Flannery and I look forward to seeing who Flannery grows up to be!